I just want to preface this post with the fact that I love animals. You know I do.

However, there is a bird living somewhere on the side of our house. The side where all my apartment windows face. It repeats the same “chirrup tweet twitter tweet” at two second intervals…all day…all night. It never seems to move. Never seems to eat. Never seems to SHUT UP!

This bird is driving me to homicidal thoughts! Especially when trying to sleep. I dream of sling shots and letting loose my cat. I dream of rubber bands wrapped around a certain…little…BEAK!

At night I writhe in my bed going mad at this bird’s insistent chirping. It drills into my head and nothing seems to drown it out. I put the pillow over my head but then I can’t really breathe properly. I put the blanket over my head but it’s not thick enough. I turn the fan on, but I still hear it!

Does anyone have a slingshot I can borrow? Just for a day?

(If you think I would ever actually cause harm to an animal…well, you should know me better than that.)

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