In the wake of extreme crisis, addicts, and their families, generally experience a honeymoon phase.   Everyone is relieved that a shoe has dropped (in the world of addicts and the mentally ill, there are a lot of shoes) and “fixing” the mess becomes the priority.

Poe called last night and though he called me, I felt like I was pulling teeth to get him to talk.  He was talking to some staff member standing near him more than he was talking to me, and I felt the resentment rise.  Resentment is one of the fun parts of the dance of addicts and those who love them.  (By the way, I’m tired of typing “addicted and mentally ill”, and since I view them as the same thing, I’m just going to use the term “addict” from now on since that is the way Poe deals with his disordered mind.)

Though I love Poe, and that should always be understood, I’ve also been too often in the path of his storm.  Whatever I may have contributed to it, I’ve paid the price in triples and quadruples and even larger ‘les.  Today I will be driving three hours round trip to bring him flip flops and gum and a new pair of pajama pants so he can be comfortable at Five Stories.  I know he’s working hard, but I can feel the honeymoon coming to an end.  I hear the selfish addict side of Poe creeping back into his demeanor and words.  He wants Alba to give up her Ipod so he can have music to listen to.  I told her it’s up to her, but I advised her to say no.

Having empathy for the addict can be a trap.  Whether they mean to or not, addicts are fundamentally selfish.  They are so caught up in their own pain and discomfort that they want something to fix it now, and they don’t care if someone else has to go without or pay a large price for their temporary relief.   Dancing that dance with an addict is hard.  Knowing when to help and when to let go is hard.  Knowing when to say yes and when to say no is hard.  The addict mind doesn’t play nice.

Alba will be coming with me today to visit Poe.  This will be the first time she will see her brother in three weeks.  She wants to go, but she’s not excited to go.  I wonder how they will interact.

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