Velvet Verbosity

I’m going to apply to Bennington College for the low residency MFA in writing. Oh, I feel free!

Titanic was on television this afternoon. I don’t watch much television, but I curled up under some blankets (4 to be exact), and watched it from beginning to end, complete with annoying commercials.

Hollywood flicks just aren’t usually my bag, but sometimes, sometimes I just like the sheer enormity of these movies. And I respect Kate Winslet. And, if I’m going to watch a movie about an epic historical event, I want to be overwhelmed and swept away and sucked in.

Anyway, point is, I cry every derned time I see this movie, imagining the panic setting in and the internal struggle each person must have gone through to choose between helping others and helping themselves. Then the scene where some of the passengers just accept that they’re going to die, and they try to face it with calm and dignity. Oh, that elderly couple clutching each other in bed…makes me weep. The many many images of the water rising, and thinking about dying by drowning and how that’s right up there in the top three of “ways I don’t want to die”.

*Sniffle*

For the record, I do NOT cry over romantic comedies…ever.

This first morning of 2007 I was met with not one single new email. I thought it strange and made sure my account was working properly. After several different types of tests, I have determined that Smith had me on an automatic shut off schedule. I no longer have a Smith College email address. Woe is me.

It’s not even the hassle of setting up a new email, or sending out one gigantic bulk email to everyone with a new address that has me upset. It’s the change. It is the passing of something entirely symbolic of a time in my life that is now over.

Those who know me might mistakenly think that I am a woman who embraces, and perhaps even covets change. A quick inventory of my life would reveal many moves, many risks taken, many new paths courageously forged and a seeming willingness to leap over the edge again and again.

It is partly true. I have never been afflicted with that condition known as “fear of change”. At least not on the level that it prevents me from making new plans, or uprooting my life and everything I know in order to pursue a goal. But the whole truth is that once I am done riding the wave of change, and find myself washed up on a new shore, I lay there shivering and moaning for days. I have to grieve what is past, and I feel the need to grieve fully over every path ended.

And so, this morning when the realization hit me that I had actually been finally and completely severed from Smith as a current student, I felt the grief rise up from my belly and wrap itself loosely around my throat. I expect three days of brooding, brow-furrowing type behavior from myself before I can get both feet fully onto the next path. I wonder if I was moody and pensive in those first days after the exodus from the womb?

(Oil painting “Letting Go” by Rebecca Gottesman, can be found here)

When did America forget how to spell? I am amazed at the number of semi-professional websites out there with spelling errors in almost every sentence. Last night, after browsing a designer’s website and feeling pretty inspired and somewhat intimidated, I went to his “ideas” page. Three paragraphs chock full of spelling errors. Some that could be dismissed as typos, but others were just downright embarrassing! I felt compelled to contact him and beg him to fix the errors that, for me, detracted so strongly from any idea of professionalism I might have at first respected him for. His artistic work was pure genius!

My own children seem to think spelling is for nerds and old people (like myself apparently). In the age of internet communication, who needs correct spelling? That’s their philosophy, and sadly it echos through an entire generation.

Just take a little browse through some random blogs, or personal websites…you’ll be horrified, I’m sure.

I’m still here. Just swept along in a current of activity and work. Photographed the reception for a family wedding over the weekend. Here are a few shots (taken with just my little Canon Powershot).

I’m a sucker for joy-spreading-activities, such as this one.

Google search: “how to live with teenagers”. That’s how someone found my blog today. For the rest of you, my few and faithful readers, I assure you I will be back soon. I have several deadlines I’m trying to keep at the moment.

Tonight is my last night in my Smith apartment.

I’m going to miss it.

The french doors, the hardwood floors, the windows (oh the windows), the nifty oldstyle ironing board that comes out of a small closet in the kitchen, the front porch where many fond memories were forged, the little market across the street where I shop every day and they know my name, the very short walk to downtown (i.e. cafes, food, and wine), the view up Bedford Terrace and the beautiful Smith buildings, the built-in pantry, the closet space, my enormous dining room, friends being right upstairs (good for a cup of sugar, a stick of butter, company, laughter, and sharing wine and chocolate)…

yeah, I’m going to miss this place.

(That’s the view from our porch)

This morning is the Ivy Day Parade…a Smith College tradition. “Junior ushers lead a parade through campus, carrying vines of ivy (laurel vines) to be planted by the departing seniors as a symbol of their lifelong connection to the college. ” Then we seniors will line the street, and Smith Alumnae will march through us by class year, led by a marching band.

It is quite a sight to see the alumnae who range in ages from their 20’s to 80+. All lively, and still very connected to their Alma Mater.

I do love Smith.

Commencement (yes, Smith is backwards) is in six days. Sorry to keep counting down, but people, I’ve been here duking it out academically for four years! I’m allowed to tick the days off.

In the next three weeks I have to:
Plan a graduation party
Plan a move
Plan a trip to Austria and Bavaria.

Yes, that’s right, this all happens between now and June 2. If my head didn’t explode from the end of semester push, it surely will now!

Actually, I’m doing remarkably fine. I feel quite pleased, giddy, and the excitement continues to grow. I just need to stay healthy over the next few weeks and I’ll be fine.

Hope the sun is shining wherever you are, because it sure as hell isn’t here!