Archive for December, 2007
100 Words On Holiday Nostalgia - Across the Lake
Across the deep, dark, Vermont lake that is fabled to be home to loch ness’s brother, lights twinkle, nestled in the mountain. They are the lights of a home, winking to us in our little log cabin across the way as we fall asleep. There are eight of us, three sisters and five cousins, in the two big canopied beds. We giggle, our breaths mingle as we sigh, and our eyes twinkle in the darkness, winking back across the lake in Christmas tidings before we fall into slumber and dream of the fat stockings that will greet us come morning.
Too Much Information
Some things you just don’t want to know.
And don’t forget this week’s 100 Word Challenge. It’s not too late and don’t you want the opportunity to pick the next great challenge? Oh, I dunno. 100 Words on Ennui, or 100 Words on Belly Button Lint, or 100 Words on Small Things? It’s up to Larmsterpoet this week, join the challenge here.
Velvet Verbosity’s Lesson for the Day - Compassion versus "Idiot Compassion"
I was one of those kids that always rooted for the underdog. Maybe it was because I was small. Maybe it was because I was small and got picked on and abused for it. Maybe it was because I had a physical defect that other children weren’t exactly kind about. Maybe it was because I started out with an untainted niceness that I was punished for. Maybe it was because my sensitive little self was put into the care of too many people who were abusive.
Maybe I was just one of those kids that always rooted for the underdog.
As nice as I was to take care of all those underdogs, I expected a payback for my “niceness”. I wouldn’t have told you so. Hell, I didn’t even let myself in on this expectation of mine. Yet there it was, everytime, smacking me in the face and my underdog of the hour in the ass. Had I been conscious of it, I would have heard my inner voice saying something to this effect:
Ok. I’ve been nice. I’ve been patient. I’ve shared all my strength and resources and wisdom to help this underdog out of the self-dug pit he/she is in. So now I deserve this underdog’s unconditional love, respect, and admiration for the rest of eternity in this and every known and unknown parallel universe. Never should this underdog allow him or herself to find flaw with me, and in so doing he/she shall never abandon me.
That’s right. I expected a badge of sainthood for my efforts. I never got one. Even when I did, I still got abandoned, and sometimes because I was “too good” for them. My response to such behavior from my underdogs was to beat the snot out of them (verbally and emotionally of course) because they were breaking the underdog-overdog covenant and HOW DARE THEY? Like Bill Cosby said, “I brought you in this world…and I’ll take you out.” Only it wasn’t so funny when I said it. The Cos was wise, while I was just cruel in my insecurity.
Now I recognize that dangerous stirring of compassion for what it is. At least my warped version of it. When I’m feeling anxious, worried, angry, stressed, tired, hungry, useless, ashamed, or afraid, and then I cross paths with an underdog and I get that achy feeling of compassion in my heart, I RUN. Because I know that the ache of compassion, the rise of the need to help, is not niceness, it’s just profound selfishness cloaked in what looks a lot like niceness.
In Buddhism, at least the community that I belong to, there are often references between compassion and “idiot compassion”. It goes like this. If someone is beating you over the head with a baseball bat, idiot compassion makes you stand there and take the beating because you think the attacker wouldn’t be beating you if it weren’t for their own pain. True compassion, stemming from wisdom, makes you grab the bat before even the first blow falls upon your fragile skull and say, “No way buster!” because even though it’s true they wouldn’t be beating you if they weren’t in pain, letting them hit you won’t make either of you feel any better.
‘Nuff said.
Nothing is Certain Except Death
“Nothing is absolute.” I woke up with this phrase repeating in my head over and over, though it took me the several slow minutes to consciousness to realize it. This phrase is hardly comforting to a person whose most fervent affliction in life is to know for sure. I want to know that my children will be OK in life. I want to be able to see the entire path of their future laid out. I want to see every fork in the road, every lake of quicksand, every pit full of vipers and scorpions, so that I can help them navigate around them before they even get there. I want to know that I will be loved unconditionally and with absolute certainty by my future partner so that I can relax and trust and be myself. I want to know that all my struggles to build a financial future will pay off. I want to know how long I will live and how I will die. I want to know when I get in my car that I will make it safely to my destination.
Embracing “nothing is absolute” is being willing to live with uncertainty. It is letting go of fear, or rather learning how to sit alongside fear and to transform it into a sense of curiosity. I know all that, and it’s all very wise, I know. Some part of my brain is obviously very wise and felt compelled to burn the message of “nothing is absolute” into my consciousness this morning.
Really, the only thing that is certain is death, only I will never know when it’s coming.
Damn it.
4 commentsWorth Living For
Ben and Jerry’s Vermonty Python.
2 comments100 Word Round Up - Christmas Spirit
How did Wednesday get here so fast? Only six days until Christmas! That makes it time for the 100 Word Challenge round up.
JenChanges posted a sweet 100 words about her niece on Christmas morning here.
Larmsterpoet, creator of the new Woman Remodeled site, wrote 100 words on snow.
My hat’s off to Rocas who wrote a poem!
My 100 Words on Christmas Spirit can be found here. (or you could just scroll you know. If you need scroll training, drop me a line.)
I know Larmsterpoet is hot to write, so I’m passing the baton to her for the next challenge. Larmster chooses a topic, posts the guidelines (found here) on her blog (you can post just the topic in the comments here) and we’re off. Since next week is Christmas, the next challenge deadline will be Wednesday, January 2, 2009! Just think, a whole new year to break resolutions!
4 commentsConfessions of a Teenage Mother OR Velvet Verbosity Suffers from Ephebiphobia
Ephebiphobia - the fear of teenagers.
The Surgeon General warns that teenagers can be hazardous to your sanity. Only you’ve never seen this warning because it’s branded onto their backsides and even though the boys wear their pants around their knees and girls’ low-rise jeans reveal more than a thong bikini, you, their parent, will never have the right to look there again. And that would be fine and good if it wasn’t that you also aren’t allowed to look directly at their face for more than .5 seconds, you’re not allowed to expect that your favorite shirts won’t disappear, to have any of the snackfood in the house, or to breathe in the wrong way because you’re annoying them. If you’re wondering why you didn’t ever notice the Surgeon General’s warning when they were still in diapers, that’s because it’s kind of like that etching on the One Ring. The warning only shows up under conditions of extreme hormonal fluctuation. And that, my friends, is the real truth about why they wear through their jeans so fast.
Velvet Verbosity Asks - What Kind of Folk Are You?
Still looking for Christmas gifts for those hard-to-shop-for, have-it-alls? Yeah. Me too. I have two on my list. Anyfolk.com is a new site trying to get off the ground with a pretty nifty product. They offer t-shirts and hoodie sweatshirts for guys, gals, and kiddies with your choice of “folk”.
with paint spatters on their holiday best
and glue or plaster in their hair.
For your favorite cyclist who thinks there’snothing hotter than toe clips.
We all know one.
(What is wrong with them?)
Maybe you can introduce this folk
on your list to the happy folk
on your list.
I’m chocolate folk myself!
(Become a fan of anyfolk on Facebook.)
Those Annoying Injured People
“Here’s the evening traffic report. Things are good right up until exit 13 where you will be slowed to an annoying crawl by a couple of selfish dolts who decided to get in an accident, right when you need to get home. Not to worry, the authorities are quickly working on clearing out the rubble and human remains so it doesn’t look like you’ll miss your favorite episode of Will and Grace after all. Tune in tomorrow morning to find out who’s lives will be forever altered at the expense of your convenience.”
Sigh.
6 comments100 Words on Christmas Spirit - A Child’s Wonder
He stumbles out of his room, the sleep still in his eyes, his footie pajamas shuffling softly on the carpet. I can barely contain my joy at what I know is about to happen. I’m waiting for the big present to register in his consciousness. He blinks three times, then stumbles faster toward the tree. He looks at me, his eyes lit up with wonder as he points at this fantastic thing Santa has brought him and he really believes. I want to bottle his Christmas Spirit in a jar and give it out in doses all through the year.
Image from http://www.thebonham.com/citybreaks/christmas.html
3 comments
