Velvet Verbosity

“I Started a Blog That Nobody Read”

Germany, 2006

Karme Choling
Barnet, VT

Her world is now vivid and sharp-edged. Her world is 13. Her world is self-important, self-indulgent, fulsome and large…yet so small to any onlooker.

I know that world, I remember it. The aching needs that must be filled while the source eludes. The terrible clamor of peer-pressure knocking at every turn. The feverish race to be in. To not keep up is to be “out” and that is no place anyone wants to be at 13. To be “out” is social death. At 13, it might as well be real death. 13 hasn’t comprehended what that means anyway.

The body, oh the terrifically annoying body that is never the right size or shape…too big, too small, too round, too narrow, too tall, too short, too curvy, too flat.

13 is the world of “everyone else”. Everyone else has the goods, and 13 doesn’t understand it’s all an illusion. If just once, they would all drop the illusion at precisely the same moment, unveil all the massive insecurity, it might cause a wave of cosmic energy so powerful that the earth would shift on its axis.

Vienna 2006

Vienna 2006

At the traffic light I see them. He is capable, fit, loose in his body, and confident. He crosses the busy street with ease, knowing without effort how much give and take is needed to navigate the traffic. His shirt lifts as the cars pass. He doesn’t hesitate, he moves like liquid between the cars.

The other He waits on the curb, smiling nervously, fists shoved into pockets as he waits for an opening that on this street, may never come. His eyes alternate between his confident companion walking away, not turning back, and the cars speeding by bumper to bumper. He flips his hair in an effort to look confident, to appear cool with it.

For the first time, my heart does not weep for the underdog. I simply see…see that one will move through his life with ease and this will burn him in ways he has yet to come to understand…and the other will agonize over each decision, each word he speaks, and this will probably bring him more security than he can now imagine.

The sun has been shining for days now…the nights are cool and quiet, and the smell of Autumn is just around the next corner. Perfect days for folk, swing, jazz, and joyful oddities. Here are my recommendations for today:

“Shine” by Monsterbuck…Tugs my heartstrings every time. Since this is a friend of mine, I heard it for the first time around a campfire.

“Send Me a Man” by Alberta Hunter …a wonderful accompaniment to sun and wind in your hair while cruising down country roads.

“Mountain Trip to Japan” by The Trachtenburg Family SlideShow Players…who I saw at the Iron Horse in NoHo. Up close and personal like. I think the mother is the most talented. I mean, got to keep that slide projector in working order you know!

“Neighborhood” by Space…oh c’mon, you know you want to sing along, even though it is a little, er…dark.

“Love Tree”
Vermont 2005

Commonsense.com has parenting tips for children and the internet. They cover “Communicating” (email, blogs, instant messaging), “Social Networking” (myspace, facebook, xango), “Downloading, and a few other topics.

I was particularly interested in what they had to say regarding blogs and social networking. They recommend that teens be careful what they post because potential employers or colleges could be looking at their profile and make decisions based on what they find there….

(pause)

I haven’t quite processed how I feel about this. Not from a parenting point of view, but as an individual and citizen. I understand that the internet is a public domain. But so is a bar, a grocery store, a restaurant, a park, etc. I wouldn’t expect that a potential employer would send out a spy to scrutinize my behavior in public. Just because it is easy to do an internet search on someone doesn’t necessarily make it ok. As human beings, we ought to be afforded some privacy even in a public domain. In other words, people’s past times outside of the work arena ought to be left alone.

Most of us have a professional persona, and our social persona. They can be very different, or not different at all, but the latter is rare. Would it be ok for a potential employer to call around to all the local bars to find out if you ever stop in for a drink? Would it be acceptable for them to snoop into all your friendships and relationships and then make judgements on your character? Would any of us feel comfortable knowing that letting our hair down after hours could result in termination or not getting the job?

Of course, there are always exceptions. If an employer found out that you not only stop in for a drink every once in a while, but that you tend to stay until closing every night, unless you are thrown out on the street first because of your obnoxious drunken behavior. Or that all your friends happen to be convicts or ex-convicts.

Still…what if these things were so, yet at work you were nothing but professional and on top of your game? Unless you’re a public official, should it matter? Should it?